Breaking down

I really need a place to release all of these feelings inside of me.
Life is not as smooth as I thought it would be.
My thoughts of my life were to start work and earn money so I can have a better life, and everything will progress towards me building a life with work life balance.
I should work happily with good future in vision.
I should have all my good friends beside me moving into the same direction.
I should have a stable relationship going into the 4th year together.

I have none.
I have none but the opposite.

My work, the environment is fine, the people are good. I'm grateful for that. The location is a huge convenience for me too.
But my future? I don't see any. I am not good in what I am doing. I am not even sure if people will agree with my staying.
My friends? Everyone is busy with their life and their future. Yes we get to come out once a while and just gather and talk about things. But it's not like they'll be there together with your journey. No. Everyone has to build their own future. We are all alone. I am alone.
Relationship? Going into the 4th year I thought we will be like concrete stable.
Turned out we're going into a downturn.
I've overestimated our relationship. I thought we have already passed our tough time being separated for one year when I was there in manchester.
I never thought we could get stuck when a 'simple' 3-4 months separation struck us.

We argued more than ever. We spoke words to hurt each other. We got angry and choose not to talk to each other. We've even separated for a few days.

6 days. This is the current new record. We haven't spoke to each other for 6 days. For people who know us, we stick to each other like everyday. 6 days is really serious.
This time, I feel a bit different. I caught him deleting messages with other girls. This is not the first time. Yes you might think it's to prevent me from getting into an argument but for me catching him? Double the argument.

Suddenly some weird thoughts struck me. I want an explanation.
I demand an explanation, I told myself. If I don't get any, then I don't think we have any reason to continue. My friend asked me, what is it you're looking for? For him to change? Or for you?
To be honest, I want him to change.
And I want him to know that this cannot go any longer.
He likes to do this, come back like nothing happened so we won't argue anymore.
But no! You do not deal with things this way. You need to face the problem, and solve it! Not run away and hope it will vanish.
This will only make things worst.
I make myself clear that I do not want this to appear in my life ever again.

He came back. Telling me he's back. And just told me he will be going on a trip.
22 hours. His last seen in Facebook is 22 hours, maybe 23 now.
You have Internet access in the whole UK.
You come act like nothing happened, but you disappear again for like 23 hours?
I am suffering. I tried so hard not to think about it, but it is too impossible for you to sleep so long on a road trip. For sure you'll be awake exploring and taking pictures. I hate myself to think that maybe something bad has happened.
Till I thought of asking your friend. Your friend is on Facebook. When I asked him. I was relieved. I cried. I never wanted to think that anything bad has happened to you. But I got nothing from you.

I'm sorry. I don't think I can take this anymore. My heart, my soul cannot and will not take this pressure anymore. Maybe we're not meant to be.
My sister came back. She's now trying gowns and preparing for her wedding and stuff.
It hurts to see such a happy occasion but to come back to realise maybe you're not mine when it's my turn.

Road Trips All Over

Hey Peeps! Its been a long time since I wrote.

Here's to do a short update and to also leave some memories in my blog so that even though my phone or iTunes gets any problem again, I can still see some of the memories I have made with people I love! and some who I don't. hahah

So the title tells it all. I have been going on a few road trips. It was Hari Raya, so we had 4 days of holiday. Must-go-to-somewhere-fun......

And now that we are more flexible and open-minded, we have made a decision to go on road trips! yay!!!

First stop, melaka! 

 Alright so here's a small update, I'm big enough to drive, and to drive my family everywhere we go. So basically I'm the driver. 

 Before that, Seremban to have lunch!!! See where we were? Empayar Seremban Siew Pow!

 Its actually located next to the highway, quite easy to find. Can search it on waze also.

They serve food quite fast, so you do not have to starve, and the food is actually pretty good too! 

 Even the signboard also chio-er than others.

 Famous Seremban Siew Pow. Nice!!!!

 And Blink! We're here in Melaka! Daddy made a last minute call to see if his staff could do us a favor to book a room for us in Melaka hotels. Turned out she did help! 

We got a room! They can do a request for another bed thing. And it is not a compulsory! You can even check the room first to see if you need it, then only decide!

So we saw a 'bed' already there, we decided not a add another!

 My selfie with my bed. ahahah

 Its called Hatten Hotel, Melaka.

Gave us 2 welcome drinks too! Got view somemore . hahah 

 And of course its swimming time! Never waste these facilities provided. buahahah

 We purposefully made ourselves super tired and hungry so we can hunt for food at night. hahaha

Satay Celup here we come!

 Look at that queue! And surprisingly crazily my parents agreed to queue. They don't normally follow my crazy ideas.

Super Happy!

 Daddy also told mum about them not changing the Satay Sauce for the whole day, mum got disgusted, but still went ahead with us anyway.

 So basically I would not get a second chance to eat with them anymore! 

 Happy Face!

 After food it was time for a walk.

 That almost suffocated us. Oh my god the walk was super long and crowded la.

And there wasn't any way to escape halfway. So it was either continue till the end, or uturnback, which was impossible cuz we were already half way through when we realized it was too long.

ish.. sweat all over la! 

 They had all of these colorful fluffy rides which looked a bit like those funeral stuffs to me and mum, so that kills the idea of getting a ride on it.

 So Romantic River. haha

 Goodnight Melaka!

 a visit to A-Famosa before leaving!

So it was check out time and we headed back but before that mum said she is not satisfied as she did not get her durian. hahah 

So she suggested we go to Alor Gajah, and must use the small roads because thats where the durians will be sold. in the kampung.

and okay off we went with waze(of course la I don't even know the road)

 Tadaa!!! It was kampung road enough. Only one lane, every minute frightened of whether there will be another car coming at us from the opposite direction, afraid of wild animals, afraid of kampung people coming out to kill us because we trespassed their territory. 

 Turns out it was an adventure too! Look at the paddy fields! 

 Ok still we are not the adventurous type. Never going to these small roads ever again! We were lucky we didn't get killed ! 

 We- the kind very old fashioned and not creative, went back to the same restaurant hahahaha 

Seremban again!

 This time we got to try their famous curry chicken bread! 

 Road trips all over means not only one trip lo? 

This time to genting! Very happy leh our lives?

 Eh sorry information, we dropped by at Bentong first! Reason?

 Teehee!

Thats why!

 I tell you, Bentong is the hottest country.

We had lunch in this Shuang Xi Lou, it took such a long time to serve, and it made me sick of eating. 

I have never had this feeling before. hahaha I was starting to get angry and didn't wanna stay any longer.

 So faster eat faster go genting la. I need cold air.

But whyyyyyyy Jammmmmm Wholeeee mountain

 Jam fun

 Mother-daughter couple dress! hahah 

 yay it was mummy's birthday

 We went to Silver Spoon @ Publika. and it was awful! 

I didn't like any food at all there lo.

 Exercise your necks for a while la 

So August is here means another month went away la

Means I'm getting closer to my boy coming back.

yay!!!!!!!! 

I know its got nothing to do with what I'm writing but this is my blog so I like hahaha 

 Now road trips are spreading to with colleagues too!

 Shuang Le near Sekinchan! Seafood come to me!

 I was a bit afraid at first because it looked like Pulau Ketam, see all the rubbish? 

Made me think of the nothing-but-a-hole toilet. eek

 But the toilet in the restaurant was normal la. luckily! 

Was enjoying seafood until I felt a sudden bad feeling. Went to the toilet and Aiyaaaaaaaa kena.

 Kinda spoil my mood la cuz of the aches

 but what I could do was to ignore and have fun! 

In the end I forgot about the pain. haha 

 The food we had

 We went to Sekinchan to look at paddy fields and voila! 

Paddy field season over......... 

There goes our trip. Not! 

I still took pictures of the over seasoned paddy fields. haha

 Our driver cum photographer cum hanger cum kuli. hahah 

 Redang Beach! No we're not in pulau redang. But this place is called Redang Beach! hahaha . bet a lot of you fooled by my check in.

 Relaxing!

 Here's a photo of us sucking the melting ice cream. hahah ugly right? did it on purpose.

 Up in the tree house!

Jump shots!

 So this is what its called in mandarin.

Conclusion is, I will start to have more fun in my life rather than sitting at home playing my phone and sleeping. Life is short! Lets have fun!