Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Unspeakable

HAHA. I don't know whether there's such word. (my title)
But Sometimes i really feel like not everything can be spoken out and be understood by people, and also be solved.

I felt really weird these few days . Something not comfortable in my heart.
I couldn't describe it . Didn't know how to describe it and put them in words.

What is it that i'm undergoing?
Kinda feel like i'm left out , or i'm abandoned or neglected ?
Kinda feel like the people around don't really welcome my existence .
In fact, I've always felt this way somehow.

but this few days , it was a bit, serious?

This morning, you left me there. lying on your bed, alone.
You weren't there for a very long time. Suddenly a very familiar feeling came to me.
That very night .
Where i was so glad to be able to go overnight in his place .
It was supposed to be the happiest night ever!
Yet, it turned into the worst night ever . You told me you had someone else.
That i shouldn't have stayed overnight in your place.
You left me there, lying on your bed , the whole night . alone.
I was terrified. The same feeling came back to me. I cried when you came back .
I asked you to promise me , promise me that you'll never leave me alone sleeping.
& I cried back to sleep.

After training today, It was raining.
You had your training too, I understand.
I was the last that left the place tonight. Everyone rushed off after training.
Suddenly i was left alone there, only sounds of raindrops, and me , holding a bunch of stuff, worrying whether i have the key to my car.
I called you, you asked me to pick u up on d way out, and told me i have the key .
I looked around , it was really dark and creepy i would say, being left alone there.
I slowly put down my things aside and start searching for the key.
Kinda felt sorry for myself. :P Quite kesian lar.
After i found my key, which i really panic-ed when i couldn't find it where i usually put it, I kesian-ly opened my umbrella and went into d car.
After u came up to d car, I wasn't really happy. Didn't know why.
This weird feeling jz came to me.
Don't know whether you realized that i was acting quite weird. But you just didn't really care.
You gave me a kiss and just went down.
It was just, unusual.

Then I was driving home, emo-ly. alone.
got back home and u told me you're playing dota. and asked me to bathe
Well, i didn't bathe immediately after you asked me to .
But while i was bathing, you called .
And msged me in facebook
After i came out and reply you, you claimed that you wait till you wanna fall asleep ady
Its not that i don't allow you to sleep , its just that , You had time for games but you don't have time for me?
And you just said good night very unlikely. its just not normal .
and you went to bed.
Maybe you don't think its something , but to me, its like..
Maybe someone could help me .. tell me how i should feel?